Since I'm traveling this weekend I decided to write my blog early so I don't miss a post! I've hit the one year mark of writing about women's pelvic pain issues and everything surrounding this topic so I wanted to delve into a happier topic today: romance.
Keeping the romance alive can be tricky when pelvic pain is a dark cloud hanging over your relationship. Sometimes the physical strain can be a burden on the emotional connection you feel with your partner, but you don't want to let that hinder your good vibes. It's important to work on the romance aspect of your relationship because it can help keep you close after the distance you can experience from not having penetrative sex, but of course it's easier said than done. So how do you regain your intimacy?
When tough times are pulling you apart focus on what brought you together in the first place. Sometimes revisiting old ideas can bring the spark back. You can recreate your first date, rewatch a favorite movie you share a love for, or travel to the place where you took your first trip. Going back in time years later can bring back the magical feelings you felt when first falling in love as you work your way to that mental head space again.
Another good suggestion I always see which I often abide by myself is coming up with a new hobby to do together. A great way to bond is discovering something fresh to experience for the first time as a couple, whether that be painting classes, cooking classes, or learning a foreign language alongside each other. Even just watching a TV series together can be a valid bonding experience, just make sure neither person cheats and watches ahead to the next episode when they're alone. Having a shared hobby like this gives you something special to look forward to when you next see each other and gets you out of a rut where you're always doing the same thing. Routine can be so monotonous that you want to introduce something new ever so often to shake things up, not just sexually but in your surroundings as well.
What about when do you want to get in the mood? I'm always a fan of trying something different in this respect, too. If you're used to having the lights off try turning them on. Move to another location besides the bed. Buy a new outfit or blindfold your partner so they can't see you at all and must go by touch. Being blindfolded and having your hands bound is actually a very effective way to build trust between one another, so as long as you both feel comfortable and ready for that, I highly recommend it.
Romance means different things to different people, but for me I am largely into being playful. I love tickle fights, soft touches, and cutesy nicknames. Of course, these play into my top love languages, but I think it can help any couple stay close if you are making a concerted effort to have fun and be goofy. It shouldn't be serious all the time. You have to tease each other sometimes and make light of situations to blow off steam. If you don't let loose occasionally then things will go stale. I prefer to be with someone who enjoys long walks hand in hand, kissing in the rain, and soft whispers in our ears. I'm also big on cuddling, so there should be lots of couch time or staying in bed holding each other. I'm all about draping my legs over someone, spooning, or any other kind of full body cuddle. I don't think you should stop at just a head on the shoulder.
I love when a guy comes up with something unique, like a scavenger hunt, where I have to hunt for things to find the final prize, or writes me a love song, or makes me a pop up card. Anything from the heart can go a long way. Remember that the next time you are wanting to surprise your sweetie. Coming up with something genuine will go much further than throwing down serious cash so skip the electronics and opt for creating a piece of art. I'm fond of writing love letters, coloring a picture, or mailing someone a postcard or unexpected gift. There's nothing better than seeing that smile light up someone's face when they open the package or hear a sincere compliment. It makes all of your effort worthwhile.