This week I'm going to review a film I saw on Hulu and the book it was based off of, On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan (author of Atonement). This tragic novella tells the story of a young couple on their wedding night who is unable to consummate their marriage, what led them up to this fateful day, and how it affects the rest of their lives. If you are in the right emotional state to hear a sad tale then do read on.
On Chesil Beach details the relationship between Florence and Edward, two 22-year-olds brought together by chance who quickly fall hopelessly in love in England in 1962. Florence is a first chair violinist and Edward a historian, traits they adore in each other, in addition to their shared intellect and engaging conversations. They share the belief that it was love at first meeting and thus wed after only a year of dating. While this wasn't entirely out of the question during this time period, nor was abstaining until marriage, the couple do not open up completely to one another about their physical histories, making for an entirely awkward first night.
I was drawn to the description of this movie because of the implication of Vaginismus, but the story never explicitly states that Florence has it, or any other condition per se, but delves deep into the mind of both parties' thoughts and how holding back on communication with our partner can tear us apart. By the end of the film I had changed my mind that Florence was suffering from merely Vaginismus, though she could be afflicted with the psychological side due to her past, and decided she is actually just asexual. She is uninterested in all forms of intimacy, to the point that she often prevents Edward from touching her too much and called ejaculation "disgusting". She desires simple companionship above anything else and is heartbroken that Edward won't agree to give her that alone. He completely dismisses her suggestion of an open marriage where he can sleep with other women, because she knows they love each other and she assures him she won't get jealous. He sees this as ridiculous, which is very much a product of the times, and I just want to say to anyone out there who has this set up that it's a totally valid choice. I've known women with Vaginismus who've allowed their partners this freedom to in turn free themselves of the guilt of not doing penetration and if you have no desire to experience penetration in the future I think it's a wonderful option to try.
One difference I found between the book and movie was that originally Edward is just assumed to be a virgin by Florence, but in the movie he outright lies to her and claims that he's "been with a few" women before, though he clearly hasn't. I didn't appreciate this switch in his character's morality as his blatant lie made him less sympathetic. Meanwhile, in both versions, we come to learn that Florence was abused by her father as a girl and this is why sex doesn't appeal to her. This is used as dramatic irony because we are aware as the viewer/reader but Edward never finds out, since she chooses not to share this humiliating secret with him. She apologizes for not telling him she isn't interested in sex sooner, but never mentions anything about why she feels this way, only tries to offer a solution, which he immediately shoots down. When he yells that she tricked him my stomach went to my feet because this phrase is the worst nightmare of every Vaginismus sufferer I know, and it's personally been said to me, too. We fear so much that our partners will think we waited too long to reveal the truth about our bodies/mental state and decide we did it on purpose to pull the wool over their eyes, so to speak. Of course this isn't true and any empathetic being would know this, but not all people are capable of seeing it from the other person's perspective and unfairly misjudge this revelation, as what happens in this case.
It's revealed over time that Florence isn't just afraid of the act of penetration, but not entirely fond of other sexual acts either. While the couple has shared lots of kissing, it's barely ever done with an open mouth and Edward has only touched her breasts a few times. He assumes she is just waiting until they are married to be more comfortable with these activities, but she ultimately reveals to him that "I'm pretty hopeless, absolutely hopeless at sex. Not only am I no good at it, but I don't seem to need it like other people, like you do... I have no idea why that is, but I think that it isn't going to change." I initially felt like I could relate very much to Florence as the post wedding hotel room scene unfolded. We see her clenching her fist as Edward is trying to undress her and she attempts to prepare herself for what's to come. She's taking deep breaths and clearly stuck in her own head, working to calm her nerves, but we don't yet no why she is feeling so anxious about this moment. Then when she tries to help guide his penis in, as she read in a guidebook to do, she inadvertently causes him to go off, and the ensuing mess brings up flashbacks of what her father did to her. The emotional onslaught of this horrific memory causes her to run out of the room and down the beach to escape the scene and get some fresh air, to which of course Edward doesn't understand or sympathize with at all (having no way of knowing why she would do such a thing). She wants to be married to him, just without the physical demands expected of a wife.
The writing style of the book is very lyrical and sensory, littered with similes, something I adore in literature. The story goes back and forth in time, weaving you in and out of the past and present beautifully, in a way allows you to truly feel for both characters. McEwan's words are lovely to listen to on audio as he vividly paints each scene and makes you feel like you are literally in Edward or Florence's head the entire time. I was lucky enough to be gifted with a short interview with the author at the end of my audiobook download where he explained how he knew he wanted this story to be a novella so it could be 5 parts which one could easily read in 1 or 2 sittings. The audiobook lasted 5, hours so it took me 4 sittings to get through, but I found it very engaging and enjoyed every minute (a sentiment I don't often have with audiobooks). I really appreciated how a string quartet played at the end of each chapter to transition to the next, representing the one that Florence plays in herself. McEwan's language pulls you in and holds your attention as you long to learn about the lives and backgrounds of these 2 characters which brought them to this ultimate moment of their demise. They have such a strong bond which is shattered so easily, simply because they do not communicate effectively with one another. The author said that he wanted the story to end from Edward's perspective, leaving Florence a mystery, so you can know that he regrets his choice to leave her. He basically feels that his life after her could have had meaning if she stayed in it, because she inspired him to accomplish more, and without her he just didn't. The movie added a scene where a 35-year-old Edward coincidentally meets Florence's daughter in his record shop and we are left wondering if Florence changed her mind about sex, recovered from her trauma, or maybe just adopted this child. I didn't like this addition since it didn't add anything relevant without the context of knowing how this girl came to be.
I personally would recommend the book, but not the movie. While the film tried to capture the fluid movement of the written form, and did accomplish the drawn out awkwardness of their failed sexual attempt, it didn't quite instill in me the same feelings of pent up yearning and grand loss. I found the characters were treated equally well in the book, but it was difficult for me to feel for Edward in the movie. He came off as more of a horny, post college male just irrationally angry that his new wife couldn't put out on the first night. Watching it was also a bit triggering for me as the occurrence of the whole encounter they had has happened to me before (minus the marriage beforehand) with similar after effects (but the guy ran out instead of me). Even still, I was curious to read the book after to see if I would feel any differently towards it, and sure enough, I did. I have such a soft spot for British literature and this one didn't disappoint. I think it's an important story to read for anyone who's ever had an awkward sexual experience, but especially for someone whose partner has Vaginismus. The author explained that when he reads the scene aloud the audience laughs uncomfortably and tells him afterwards that they can relate, even in today's world of losing your virginity as a teen. I think we've all dealt with stuck zippers and delaying the inevitable at some point. This story provides a welcome insight into the minds of two intelligent people who can't bring themselves to own up to their own insecurities and vulnerabilities enough to keep their relationship together, so they simply fall apart before they even have a chance to start a joint life. It's sad, but also an important lesson in growth and recognizing the flaws in one's self.