The term "spoonie" is thrown around a lot in online lingo, but what does it mean and where does it come from? I'm here to explain the origin of spoon theory and help you understand how to use it to your advantage if you are in fact a spoonie yourself.
Spoon Theory stems from Lupus blogger Christine Miserandino who explained her lack of energy to her best friend using spoons on the table at the cafe where they were eating. The concept is that we all start with a certain number of spoons and each physical or mental issue that plagues us removes a spoon. Chronic pain? One less spoon. Exhaustion? Take away another spoon. Depression? Anxiety? More spoons taken. In the end, you may be left with only 1 or 2 spoons for yourself. And what does this mean? It means you don't have the energy to deal with other stressors so you must choose your activities that will require spoons very carefully.
By the end of the day, her friend wasn’t able to do as much as she wanted. When she realized Miserandino went through this every single day, her friend started crying. She understood, then, how precious time was for people like Miserandino, and how few “spoons” she had the luxury of spending.
How do I know if I'm a spoonie? You'll know because you have to consciously plan out your day when you wake up, marking off any activity that will be too arduous, like household chores or going to a party, and sticking to the simplest and most necessary items alone to be done. Non-spoonies can just go about their day doing what they can without a thought about an activity being "too much" to take on that particular day. They are full of energy and can work, be physically and mentally active without even a consideration of staying in bed today. Some common conditions that tend to make people spoonies are Endometriosis, Fibromyalgia, and Interstitial Cystitis. Below is a list to help you identify if this term relates to you or not:
Something important to keep in mind is that the number of spoons you start with upon waking is not what you end up with by bedtime. Your spoons lessen throughout the day as new situations arise, meaning that you could have none left by dinner time, leaving you unequipped to be around other people in any capacity. This is why spoonies often stay in bed and essentially hide from the rest of the world. When you have no spoons to give you are essentially helpless to be a solid friend, partner, family member or worker. You can't function at full capacity so you can choose not to function at all, to avoid situations where you may say or do something you will regret due to the insurmountable burden you are carrying in that moment.
So what's the good news? Spoons replenish themselves. Every day is a new day. Spoons that were taken the previous day can reappear the following day as you wake up refreshed and ready to conquer your battles. Some spoons are longer lasting than others, because that is by definition what chronic means, but they don't have to be a life sentence. Sometimes spoons reappear when we reach a certain milestone, like fixing a pain we were having, acquiring a diagnosis, following a new diet that's working, or starting a new medication to treat something that was holding us back.
How do others need to show support for spoonies? The biggest way is to simply be patient and not judge us for wanting to stay in or needing extra time to get ready for socialization. Secondly, I would say to show compassion, whether that be staying in with us to watch a movie, calling people on our behalf, or just bringing us some food. We may not want company, or we may love sitting in silence and cuddling. It will depend on the person and of course they're specific love language, so it's a good idea to ask and see what your spoonie wants or needs from you. Most importantly, don't guilt a spoonie for being unable to stick to previously made plans or being aware of our limits. We have to set boundaries with people that we may not want to in order to protect our health. It's not a matter of being flakey.
For more information or advice on living as a spoonie you can download a free copy of “The Spoon Theory” by Christine Miserandino in PDF format or check out one of the following:
Join #Spooniechat Wednesdays from 8 to 9:30 p.m. Eastern Time on Twitter
Search #spoonie on Facebook, Twitter, Instragram, and Tumblr
Connect with Dawn’s Spoonie Chat community on Facebook
Explore #Spoonieproblems on social media, a hashtag Spoonies use to talk about their unique experiences with chronic illness