If you've seen the limited time Netflix series Unorthodox from last year then you know the story details a young Hasidic Jewish woman and her escape from the New York Jewish neighborhood of Williamsburg to a town in Berlin, Germany, with some Vaginismus struggles thrown in the middle. As I'm sure many others also felt, I was instantly curious to hear Esty's real life story in the 2012 memoir Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of my Hasidic Roots. It's taken me a year to get around to reading it, but I finally dove in and listened to her entire 11 hour audio book in 3 sittings! Here in lies my comparison between the written account and the mini series re-enactment.
It's no surprise that there were many marked differences between both versions of the story. The most shocking change, in my mind, is the protagonist herself. My head did a spin when I heard the name "Esty" arise in the middle of the main character's childhood reflections on summer camp: she was a whole nother character! The real name of the person revealing her escape from a tyrannous religion is Deborah Feldman. The story of her roots actually begins with her literal start of life. The entire first half of her book delves deep into her childhood memories explaining how her grandparents came to raise her, what school was like, and how she never even thought to "look down there". A huge event in her life, though she didn't realize the significance until later, was when her own cousin tried to rape her at age 13. We all know that trauma like this is a huge trigger that can lead to Vaginismus, but when you are young and naive you often don't even understand what is happening to you or how it will impact the rest of your life. In her memoir, Feldman outlines the way of life in her Brooklyn community and how constraining it is for girls, and eventually women, comparing her arranged marriage towards that of the sisters in Pride and Prejudice. She describes how much everyone in Williamsburg sticks out compared to the surrounding areas and frequently compares her ostracizing experiences towards that of characters in childrens' books she read growing up, such as Roald Dahl's classics James and the Giant Peach and Matilda. Feldman even states how she relates to Jo in Little Women, with her desire for a status she earned herself, rather than simply that of being a wife.
Naturally, I related immensely to Feldman being an avid reader, her feelings of being "different", and of course the whole Vaginismus bit, but the further into the book I got the more I questioned, why did the Netflix series have to stray so far from this source material? Her life story is already interesting enough as it is, why make it so dramatic and over the top? Is it because they want viewers with Vaginismus to believe in a happy ending for women like us or is it simply a cash grab to lure people into a story about religion that they may not otherwise watch?
In case you weren't aware, that entire flee to Germany when Esty gets pregnant does not happen to Feldman in the book. She does leave her Jewish community, following in the footsteps of her mother, but it's after her son is already a toddler and her husband and herself agree during couples therapy to get a divorce. She doesn't just sneak off and run for it, narrowly escaping her husband's family searching tirelessly for her to bring her home. She's not an actual prisoner, after all, just feels that way in terms of how she was raised. Yes, she has had to eat kosher, wear a wig, and doesn't know how to drive a car, but she also was given the opportunity to graduate high school early, start a teaching career, and attend classes at Sarah Lawrence College, something I feel is a real disservice to her character to remove from the story. The book basically sets up her writing career from the get go, with her voracious reading, which makes her seem like Belle in "Beauty and the Beast", locked away in a library somewhere, to her teaching English, and finally ending with her writing a blog, much like this one. Her blog describing her trials and tribulations as she came to terms with her strict upbringing and how it led to her developing Vaginismus is what actually got her noticed and contacted for a book deal. I think her true history as a reader/writer is far more engaging than this invented idea that she somehow learned to play the piano well enough to go perform in a random symphony in another country. I mean, really?
There are several details they kept, as well, such as Feldman's father being mentally ill and her mother fleeing the community due to being a lesbian. There were certain scenes around the wedding which had direct quotes in the series from the book. The one that I remembered which stuck out to me was during Esty's private dinner with her fiance where she tells him
" I'm different from the other girls."
I related to this line SO much in the show and felt the same hearing it in the book. I literally tell guys this when we start dating, before I even mention my Vaginismus, just as a heads up, or a warning, you could say, to prepare them for what is to come, so they can't act surprised. It was very gratifying for me to hear someone else feel the need to give this same verbal precursor to a relationship. As always, anything that helps you feel less alone suffering from this condition is a reassurance.
I say all of this not to discourage you but encourage you to watch the series, because it is well done. It gives an accurate portrayal of a Hasidic Jewish way of life (according to reviews from experts, am I am not one) and tells a captivating story with solid acting and cinematography. I just think it goes a little too far into left field to keep things exciting over being realistic in respect to her actual life events. If I were you, I'd watch the series and THEN read the book, not the other way around. This way you can truly appreciate the inner monologue she provides about everything that happened in her life and led to the failed marriage that is shown on screen. Also, check out her 2nd memoir, Exodus, detailing the time in her life after Unorthodox, when she traveled through Europe retracing the steps of her grandmother during the Holocaust, looking for love, and raising her son without the strict confines of the Hasidic way of life.
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