I want to take a moment to review 2 shows I recently encountered discussing these not so fun topics in a fun way. When most of us with female sexual dysfunction think about our inability to have penetrative sex it falls more in line with a Shakespearean tragedy than a comedy, but these 2 ladies wanted to turn that around and approach it from a new angle. Read on to see how both of these women's work can give you a hearty laugh instead of a sullen cry the next time you're feeling down about your penetration situation.
First off is American Becky Feldman's comedy show Tight: Sexy Stories about Pelvic Pain. In this one act play, equipped with her stuffed vulva, Becky details her adventures navigating Vestibulodynia from seeing a sexological bodyworker, to her epic encounter with a male escort (this written piece was published in the TightLipped zine), and years of wondering why her vulva hurt every time she attempted penetration. Honestly, the time flies by as you're watching and laughing over the course of an hour and twenty minutes, in large part due to Becky's impeccable stage presence and a fully engaging story, due partially I'm sure, to her years of improv and sketch comedy, coupled with her BA in media and theater studies. Her professional delivery and deadpan wit carry this monologue from being just a diatribe about health issues to a fully immersive experience for the audience that is very entertaining. I loved how she pulled out all of the familiar tools we use to treat or tolerate female dyspareunia from a box and threw them on stage, not just as a comparison to what men can't relate to (they just a take a pill for ED and go about their life) but also as a tangible example of how much money we invest in fixing this devastating problem. If for no other reason than to experience the joke about tossing an OhNut onto a dilator ala ring toss, you should watch this show. Wanting more Becky? She also hosts 2 podcasts: one about sappy $5 romance novels, called Too Stupid To Live, (which has garnered talk by Bustle and Bookriot.com) and another about ballet cinema called Bad Turn Out. You can follow her on Instagram @beckles212.
Secondly is Brit Fran Bushe's guest appearance on Pleasy Talk's podcast Intimacy Play . In this 44 minute episode Fran covers a lot of ground in terms of sexual issues, including her experience attending a sex camp which focused on non-penetrative forms of sex (ie staring into someone's eyes), the need for communication with your partner, and an even greater need for proper sex education in school. She admits that while coming of age she had no idea that more than half of women can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation (I didn't either) and that she was always too ashamed to ask to use lube or sex toys then but can't imagine sex without them now. Her discussion of Vaginismus is both honest and refreshing as she finds way to make light of this pesky condition those of us suffering from have come to hate. She wants us all to know that we're not alone and there is plenty of fun to be had in the bedroom if we can move our focus away from this idea that we're all supposed to having PIV sex that ends in orgasm (goal oriented sex) as well as the construct of virginity. The moral of the story is that Fran believes it's far better to laugh than cry over this unfortunate condition and frankly, I have to agree. To see these beliefs acted out in hilarious show form you can watch her Diary of a Broken Vagina on YouTube or on Channel 4 as a comedy blap. You can also check out her Ad Libido performance, which won her the Performer of the Year award from the Sexual Freedom Awards in 2019. Her new book My Broken Vagina comes out in May and can be preordered from Waterstones or Amazon. I will be sure to review it here once I've read it myself! You can follow her on Instagram @franbushe.
All in all, I think there is a lesson to be learned from these ladies about switching around your attitude towards dealing with chronic vulvovaginal pain. Have I ever told you the story of how when I'm explaining my condition to a potential new partner I wrap my fist around his finger tightly to display what it's like to have sex with me? Well, this is a thing I started doing to lighten the tension of having to reveal my dark secret and it works every time. I strongly recommend it. You'll both blush and have a little laugh, which melts away the seriousness of the conversation at large. I think sharing these women's work can also work as a means to an end if you don't know how to explain your sob story without sobbing (I've definitely been there). So the next time you have to explain your situation to a new partner, consider sending them something that will actually make them smile instead of tear up on your behalf. Not only will they appreciate it but you will also come off cool and collected, like someone who is emotionally mature enough to handle a conversation about intercourse.
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