In case you missed it, yesterday was National Orgasm Day! Keep your eyes peeled for various Instagram giveaways and other specials from sex toy companies as they pay recognition to this special day. Did you get a chance to celebrate? Better late than never, as they say!
There are many different aspects to the term "orgasm". If you want advice on achieving it alone through masturbation you can check out my May blog featuring that awareness month here. I also have many blogs detailing how to enjoy PIV sex, or other types of sex, with a partner when you are dealing with Dyspareunia. More than anything, I come here today to share what happened to me the day BEFORE Orgasm Day, because I hit a major milestone, again!
If you remember, 3 months ago I posted about how I finally managed to have an orgasm during PIV sex for the first time ever. Well, now I can safely say that I have added getting the guy to orgasm as well to my overcoming journey! For many reasons I did not expect this to occur when it did, but low and behold, it happened, so now I'm here to share my secrets with you.
As I have explained in my previous blogs, but it always bares repeating, make sure that whomever you are choosing to have sex with is someone you trust wholeheartedly. Regardless of the dynamic of your relationship, they should be a kind person who respects you and your goals you've set forth to fix the issue at hand. They need to be willing to prioritize your wants and needs, not just in terms of the bedroom but also in making ample time to practice sex with you, because this is a process and feeling rushed won't help. They must be a good listener and also good at responding accordingly to the feedback you give. Establishing a very open line of communication between both parties is key.
For the act itself, it's important to keep in tune with your body and not zone out so you can truly assess what you are feeling. I know for me personally it can be a struggle to locate exactly where my pain is, but if you can't figure out the location then it's harder to address how to fix it, so that's when you typically just stop and call it quits for the day. On this particular day, I was having pain but I knew it was simply because it had been more than a month since I had sex and I was tight and out of practice. Armed with this knowledge, I was able to reverse Kegel (push out) around the guy to loosen the PC muscle and create more space and thus lessen the friction/pulling of my skin. I find that using condoms with lots of lube also severely reduces friction for me, but they must be the expensive, ultra thin kind. Skin on skin contact has always made the sensation worse for me and taken me out of the moment.
So when you start to feel that tightness and resistance occurring instead of freaking out or giving up, try to simply ease your mind. Reduce your speed or stop moving altogether and just focus on that letting go feeling, relaxing your whole body, head to toe, until your discomfort evaporates. This can be difficult to do if you are not the one controlling the movement, so make sure to begin in a position where you can adjust everything yourself, until you are safely comfortable enough to move into a more vulnerable position.
Being on top is interesting because there are several different ways you can go about it. Your legs can be bent, straight, or you can be in reverse. You can also choose whether you are sitting straight up, leaning forward at a 45 degree angle, or lying flat against your partner's chest kissing them. All of these adjustments will change the way the penis is hitting you internally, and thus your comfort level. It can be tricky to figure out which way actually provides pleasure for you and it will also vary depending on your partner, due to his size and shape. A vital concern for positioning is also whether the guy has a curve or not, since that will rub up against your vaginal wall more in one particular spot, which you don't want to be where you have nerve pain (like me) or a trigger point of tightness.
When I first began this sexual occurrence on Fri my end goal was simply to get through it, so to speak, to endure as long as I could and hope that my lapse in practice didn't produce too much pain for me. I actually almost stopped in the middle because it didn't seem to be improving as I was struggling with pain at the entrance and I had already applied my numbing cream and put my bullet in place. After doing some deep breathing and slightly changing my position a few times, however, it did start to feel good and I got more into it. There was a point where he was able to start thrusting, too, though slowly, and suddenly I was coming. This time was different than my other penetrative orgasms, too, because I could tell that I was actually experiencing a blended orgasm where the penetration part felt good. That was the sensation that actually made me finish! Most shocking to me of all, though, was that I wasn't sore or tired after, so I asked if we could try to finish him off, too. I was able to go for probably another 5 mins (which is a long time when you have Vaginismus, I will add) and that's when he also came while inside me. He did say he held back some out of worry he would hurt me, but it honestly didn't phase me at all! I was completely fine and stayed that way even the next day!
It's important to note when talking about orgasms that they are far more common among men than women, for many reasons, one of which being that society has placed the importance on theirs over ours due to creating a baby and/or prioritizing the man's pleasure. Another reason is because we aren't always the best communicators about what we like and how we like it. Remember, when it comes to orgasms, we have so many different erogenous zones that can be stimulated and different people enjoy certain ones more than others, so it's not a one size fits all kind of game. One of the biggest mistakes we make in trying to achieve orgasm is fighting for it too hard. The moment you just let yourself enjoy the moment and stop having goal oriented sex you are more likely to actually reach that goal, so just have fun with it and be in sync with your partner for optimal results.
